By Tracey Russell

November 10, 2010

Tracey Russell, pictured at left with members of her extended family, lives in Lakeland to other families who have lost a child.

 

Last year, my family was hit with the tragic death of my precious ten year old nephew. While trying to heal as a family, my beautiful mother died five months later. This deeply complicated our grief.

As a parent, I wanted to shelter my children from grief and the process of mourning the loss of a loved one. The Bible teaches that blessed people mourn or actively participate with the grief process, even children.

In mourning and comfort. As a friend recently told me, “You have to feel to truly heal!”

Letting children cry or not cry is a healthy part of the mourning process and not something to be dreaded.

I learned it was better to hold my child when they cried instead of trying to talk them out of being sad. I now look at tears as a sign of honor for the person you loved and have lost.

I will never be able to give my children back their loved one, but I can give them the hope of heaven. Verbalizing the biblical promises of eternal life gave my children the hope of seeing that loved one again.

Our best moments as a family were sharing how amazing heaven is for our loved ones. My children especially enjoyed thinking of all the fun things their cousin andma might be doing together.

I watched as my children’s behaviors changed, grades fell, attitudes flared, attention-spans diminished, and nothing seemed normal.

According to Allyson Moskowitz, director of the Bethany Center for Grieving Children, children need to be given permission and grace to struggle through loss just like adults.

One of the key concepts of grief counseling we learned is to “dose” the pain of mourning with a “dose” of fun. We would “dose” a family trip to the beach after a day of sadness.

Mourning the loss of a loved one is a long journey, but God can use the hurt of tragedy to reveal unexpected treasures in our hearts.

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